Reader's Digest...condensed version.
SB's cancer has spread to his legs and lungs. They are not even talking about surgery anymore. He is taking another round of chemo. No mention of radiation. He is taking enough morphine to put down an elephant. He is almost to the point of being bedridden. He is very tired and almost out of "fight". He is depressed most of the time and that is not like him. We continue to power visit over the phone because at this point, he is not allowed visitors anymore. His mother says that our "attitude adjustment" calls are just what he needs right now. We are not giving in or giving up to this cancer. That would be the easiest thing but we just cannot do that.
My sis finally got a job. Well, I got a job for her and told her she better show up because they were expecting her. Some people just need a gentle shove to get them moving in the right direction...some need a wench and a crane.
She actually had worked for this company for years and had to quit (relunctantly) when she and her husband (now ex, thank you God) moved to Dallas. They knew she'd moved back to this area but had no idea she was looking for a job, which to be fair, she was not. They were excited and wanted her to start immediately. They couldn't start her off in management but they did make her a promise to get her back into management within the year. She fell right back into the groove of things.
The lady next door out here in the country (did I tell you that we'd finally moved into our house?) keeps kids in her home for...get this...$8.00 a day. Meals are included. I know! She only keeps 5 or 6 kids at a time. The week my sis started her job, this lady offered to keep my nephew. One of the kids family had to move out of town and she had one slot to fill. Her daycare is open from 6 a.m. until 6 p.m. Sis closes some nights and doesn't get home until after 10 p.m. On those nights, I get to keep him overnight. That has been a real blessing.
I thought Sis would be a wee bit upset with me kinda taking over her life for a minute or two. I was wrong! She was thrilled. It has given her the new start she'd been wanting but was afraid to embark on by herself. She is enjoying being out in public again. She'd been sitting home for almost 5 years with no social interaction (family excluded) except for occasional shopping at WalMart. I am enjoying seeing her make her little footprint on the world and cannot wait until that footprint is the size of the Grand Canyon. I've got my old sister back, y'all! Plus I get sleepovers with my nephew!
My mom-in-law has been deteriorating. She is spiraling downward. Yesterday she was diagnosed with cancer of the liver. She also has a mass on her kidney. They did a liver biopsy almost 2 weeks ago. They opted not to do one on her kidney. The doctors told her that they do not believe this cancer is what's causing her immense pain, nausea and diarrhea or lack of appetite. They think she has cancer somewhere else too. They wanted to do an exploratory surgery on her to find out. She told them no way. She's 84 years old and she doesn't want to be cut on. She said she'd never live through the surgery. They are not discussing any kind of treatment yet. She told me last night that she was tired of suffering. She doesn't want to hurt anymore. Before the diagnosis yesterday, all the nurses could give her for her pain was tylenol. That's pathetic.
If I hadn't showed my behind 2 weeks ago, the doctor at the nursing home would never have let me take her to the hospital when she was in so much pain. Enough was enough. That doctor didn't stay in her room long enough to see what she was going through. I did. I knew something was going terribly wrong. She was not active at all anymore. No bingo, no nail polish, nothing. She wasn't eating at all.
To be fair, the nurses and aides were all on our side. They cannot treat her without doctor's orders. They can tell the doctor what symptoms she is presenting and treat those. They can tell the doctor that the family would like her to go to the hospital. I would ask the doctor to send her to the hospital. He would argue that she'd sit in the emergency room for 5 hours and they'd just bring her back to the nursing home. I'd argue that maybe the ER doctors would find something he was missing. He would order the nurses to draw blood. He would always smugly say that the blood test showed nothing. I finally asked him what type of tests he was doing on her blood. I wanted her tested for cancer and roto-virus. He looked at me like I had two extra heads. I probably did at that time.
Finally, I told my husband to beat the crap outta that dang doctor until he let us take her to the hospital. (If we took her ourselves, she would not be allowed back into the nursing home...some bs about leaving against medical advice.) I told hubby if the doctor experienced some pain of his own, maybe he'd be more willing to get mom-in-law some help. One of the nurses overheard me and told me to call social services.
Lemme tell you, social services can get things done quickly. That social services lady threatened that doctor within an inch of his life. He was happy to sign for her to go to the hospital. By ambulance, thank goodness.
I've been dealing with this by myself. Her daughter has been non-existent until this diagnosis. At least now she is coming around and trying in her own way to make amends. Better late than never. Hubby has been dealing with the diagnosis but he is severely depressed. He can't stand to see his mama in pain. His visits her are short. He doesn't know what to say to her to make it better. He still calls her 4 or 5 times a day but he doesn't go see her like he should.
I still go twice a day. I let her talk when she feels like it. I read to her. I play cd's of her favorite music for her. I call her a few times a day in between visits. If I'm late she tells me she was worried about me. We have become much closer in the last 6 months.
Her church family has not visted her at all since she's been in the nursing home. Thoughts about that shit later.
At least we have a diagnosis. We will stand by her no matter what path she chooses. It'll be hard but we'll do that.
catch up - February 26, 2009 still here - February 24, 2009 Fake Truffles - January 13, 2009 Early - January 13, 2009 Dude! - January 07, 2009
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