This might be my last entry for a while. I'll continue to read and comment when I can.
My mom-in-law is not doing well and she has to go live in a nursing home. I wish I could quit my job and take care of her, but she doesn't want me to and she cries when I mention it to her. Plus I have to think about my employees. I can't just close up shop and leave them without a job either.
We've offered to hire another nurse/sitter to come in but she has refused. She gets upset with the sitters because they don't do their god damned jobs.
They were supposed to fix her meals (god, how hard is it to make a fucking sandwich for lunch?) and keep her bathed and clean. They were supposed to make sure she got her med's on time and keep a close watch on her diabetes. More importantly, they were to be there for her to have someone to talk to.
She doesn't want any more sitters. She doesn't want me to quit my job. I've offered to work part-time til she feels better. She doesn't want that either. Her grandaughters have offered to take turns sitting with her. She doesn't want that. She really can't stay by herself anymore.
Her health has been deteriorating for the last year. She still has her mind, thank goodness. She's been giving her personal belongings away for the last few months. I told my hubby that something was wrong. He said that she was de-cluttering.
I didn't buy it. I knew something was wrong. Two weeks ago, she gave her birds away. Those birds were the only company she had during the day while we were working besides the sitters that tossed her a few pills and pretty much ignored her. She loved those birds like a mother loves her children.
I told my husband he needed to talk to her about not giving up. He said that the birds were getting to be too much trouble for her. I called him on it. He got a little ticked off. I understand that he doesn't want to face the fact that his mom is old and tired, but she is letting go. She's giving up. It's hard to stomach. She's always been such a feisty woman. I can't stand to see her like this. She's lost her will to live.
She went to the dr. today and told her that she wanted to go to the nursing home. She told her that she was tired. The dr. tried to play it off saying that all 84 year old women are tired. By the end of the appointment, the dr. had agreed to fill out the papers to have her admitted to the nursing home.
I am so fucking sad. Not about the nursing home. I know she'll be taken care of there. I'm sad because she's just giving up. She's letting go. I'm not ready to let go. She's trying to distance herself from us. She's dying. She really is. Hubby doesn't see it. He doesn't want to.
I can't stop it. I don't know how.
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